Into the Water — The Clinical Clerkships — NEJM
Something that I have a hard time with and work equally hard at is understanding that I think, I make the world around me. I get so focused on trying to be "the best I can be" and all the silly ideas that come with that. I focus on the best I can be, which turns into just focusing on me, which turns into not thinking outside my own head. So it's good to hear I'm not alone in that thought. It's better to know that I can change it. I hope that as my education and understanding of the world around me gets better I'll remember to think more. Now I've been in EMS for 2 years, which is a small chunk of time in the scheme of things but I do understand how the clinical clerkship can affect providers. Tuesday night I had an elderly lady with chest pain. A man in his 50s who was having a STEMI. 98% occlusions of the circumflex was the cath lab report when we got back. A post arrest, vented Pt who was bucking the tube but the receiving facility denied the request for sedation. A young girl who had a concussion from a car crash and was like a record repeating the same loop of confusion, tears, and questions. I gave each of them the compassionate, empathetic voice they all needed when they were sick but I could help but think when I was going to get my next coffee. Six months ago even i would have been overwhelmed to deal with just talking to these people in a single night. Now it's much easier to just smile, answer what questions I can, and try to treat them the best I know how. Now I'm not totally heartless or disconnected ether. "Occasionally, however, there were moments that evoked a twinge of my old discomfort, some inchoate sense that what had just transpired mattered more deeply than I recognized at the time." - Neal Chatterjee. I don't think I'll ever forget the screams of anguish from the father of the 16 year old boy I did compression on for far longer than we should have. I have aspirations of being a paramedic, I have aspirations of getting to that third year. I want to be a paramedic to try and get use to the water. I'm hoping by learning what water is and how to tread in it I will be more equipped to take the dive when the time comes.